What a Wife Is

When I was younger, I had this idea of what a wife was and who I'd be when I became one. This wife was responsible, patient, and mature. She knew all about how to file taxes and never threw fits about things that didn't go her way. This wife really loved to save her money, but when she did shop, she did so without guilt. She was in excellent health and always got her 5 daily servings of fruits and vegetables. She watched the news and was an active voter during election time, but the issues never sunk into her skin or kept her from sleeping. Her life sounded really peaceful, and she appeared confident and successful. I couldn't wait to be her.

I recently tied the knot, and I can honestly say, married-life started out difficult for me. I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that becoming a wife didn't magically turn me into this person I'd imagined a wife to be. Changing my last name wasn't enough to rid me of the bits of myself that still feel 17 years old and unprepared for life itself. The mortgage gets paid, I have a career, and I no longer have to get parental consent at the doctor's office, and yet, I didn't immediately feel like a "real" wife.

I think I now understand what it actually means to be a wife, though. A wife is someone who her spouse can lean on after they come home from a tough day at work. She has open conversations about her own struggles and asks for support from her other half. She does her best to navigate the new adventures of life, like paying taxes and investing for retirement, and she leans on the professionals in these areas if she can't quite figure it out herself. She may spend a little more "fun money" than she should, but she budgets better these days, because her money is now our money to support our life. She doesn't always have broccoli with dinner, but she enjoys whatever is on her plate, because her partner made it special. She sometimes loses sleep over the stories she sees on the news, but it's only because she believes her family deserves a perfect world, and she wants to solve all the issues overnight. Though I am not the ideal wife that my younger self imagined, in all these ways -the ways that count- I am exactly what a wife really is.

We all have an idea of what a delicious chocolate chip cookie is like; However, this doesn't mean that one baked bit softer than we are used to or has chocolate chunks instead of chips is bad. For anyone out there feeling inadequate because who you are is not the idealized version of the title you hold, rest assured, you can still be a good wife, husband, mother, teacher, nurse, coach, or whatever title, even if it's seemingly unconventional.